In a sure to be landmark approach to reviewing live music, we now present the launch party gig for the split 7″ single of the two headlining bands (released on fine local label Barely Regal), in the form of verbatim drunken comments.

2: Are you going to network now?
1: Piss off.
3: My stomach hurts. I’m going to Burger King.
2: How will that help?
1: Let’s give Phantom Theory a chance.
3: (Silence)
2: (Silence)
1: (Silence)
3: I’m going to Burger King.
2: They make me want to peel my skin off. And frown a bit.
1: They’re popular with the MEN.
Phantom Theory: We’re from Oxford but we’re not posh.
2: They sound very posh.
1: I bet at least one of them is the son of an MP.
2: I’m going to Dempseys.
3: This band make me want to never be born.
1: Oh dear.
(After Dempseys)
1: I’m going to get a 7″.
Matt Barely Regal: I hate DHL. They haven’t delivered them yet.
Isaac Barely Regal: I saw you in the toilets.
1: Okay.
2: Strange News are on in a minute, I hope Foley pretends his bass is a giant cock again.
1: These are exactly the same jokes as Wednesday night! Look, the clipboard’s coming out now.
3: …
1: MANROCK (but good)
2: Grinding. They are good.
3: They are good.
Foley (slumped against wall): Take me drunk, I’m home…
2: Samoans. I like the fiddly guitar fingering stuff.
3: Yeah, maybe the singer should stop screaming.
Jarrett: (We can’t publish this comment – Ed.)
1: So much MANROCK (and still good)
2: Emotive.
3: Hmm. My stomach is better now. This means I can drink.
1: My hands are sticky and I can hear ‘Louie Louie’.
2: Sambuca. And I love Gary.
1: We’ve stopped talking about Samoans haven’t we?
Jimmy Strange News: Yaargh (grabs cock)
1: Aaargh!
3: Where are my badges?
2: Where are my shoes?!

ETC