Fuck This Planet: I Am Hope.  No.

InteriorMonologue: I Am Hope are a last minute replacement for the scheduled support.  It would be stupid to think that they are going to be ideally suited to the gig.  My fears begin to be realised when the bassist appears in a white vest, rolled up jeans and bare feet; he’d never be allowed in The Greyhound (in-joke, I’ll take a photo to enlighten you all).  He’s covered in tattoos and looks like a cross between Simon Neil and Tom Sawyer.  I know I shouldn’t judge a band by their look but I’m going to anyway.  They sound, at different times, like they’re trying to be Tubelord, a post hardcore band, Biffy Clyro and Busted.  There’s stop/start bits that sound forced, there’s some punky guitar that isn’t overly original and there’s some nice hair and varnished tunes that sound like this band are more focussed on becoming famous than they are on making interesting music.  They’re in the ‘good at what they do’ bracket but so are a lot of other bands that are doing the same thing.  I’d like a refund from the BBC for giving them a session ahead of bands with more invention and originality.

Fuck This Planet:  Everything Everything except the ability to translate your music from record to the stage.

InteriorMonologue: Everything Everything are being touted as the next big thing.  God help us.  I’m going to pretend that I’m a writer for the next ludicrous US smash hit TV series to illustrate their sound.

Imagine that everyone in the world has blacked out for 93 seconds and that when they awake, they find that the 20th century has divided itself into 5 year blocks and they’ve moved themselves around for shits and giggles.  Aside from the Second World War being less than a year old before it’s met with The Beatles and a load of hippies before recommencing straight after Brit Pop, the main problem is that Jeff Lynne has formed ELO 3 years after hearing the 3rd Roxy Music album.  This negates the need for Everything Everything.

Some of the songs even sound like The Feeling.  Or Supertramp.  When they ditch the synth and pick up guitars, they sound like Ben Folds singing in Maximo Park.  I’m aware that all these comparisons may well have people thinking ‘that sounds ace’ and indeed, lots of the crowd seemed to think that it was.

I just didn’t get it though.  I’m 33, I’m too old for this shit, we need to get some kids writing for this site before it turns into some embittered old guys saying it all just sounds like noise.  When I was a lad…